Pediatric Cancer

Apr 25

“I feel like it’s draining us. Both emotionally and physically. Her immune system is so depleted that if she gets sick, it could kill her. So I’m afraid all the time. And that fear tends to keep me on the attack. I can be short tempered with my husband and my boys. I feel like if I scream, everyone will stay away from her and she’ll be OK. My husband and I have been fighting a lot. We’ll snap at each other over little things like the chores or giving her medicine. Before the diagnosis, we were always sure to talk things out before bed. But now we’re both so stressed that we hold stuff in. He doesn’t know how I’ll react. And I don’t know how he’ll react. So we just choose not to discuss our problems. This Saturday we went on our first date since the diagnosis. It was only two hours at an Italian restaurant, but it was nice to finally talk. We acknowledged that we’ve been on edge. And we apologized to each other.”

“I cried all weekend when she was diagnosed. But I made sure that I ducked into other rooms so nobody would see me. It’s a little tougher being a man because you feel like you’re supposed to be the rock. You want to hold yourself together so the family can lean on you. I’m used to always being in control. I own my own business. I’ve always been the ‘go-to-guy’ for everybody else. But I have no control over this. And that’s tough. I just have to watch my daughter suffer and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

“I think it might be easier for children because they don’t understand what can happen. They don’t know the ‘what if’s.’ She can handle how bad it is because she doesn’t know how bad it can get. All she worries about is playing. You can’t even tell when she’s feeling bad. She uses her IV pole as a skateboard. She skips through the hall and sings Dora. She climbs rocks and rides her bike. I always have to remind her that she’s sick. I’m always telling her that we can do more things once she feels better. And whenever her friend has a birthday party, she tells me: ‘I’m all better now!’”