"That’s my boss. Gotta go."

"What’s your greatest struggle right now?"
"Hitting a kick flip."
"Getting my average past 90."
"Getting some vagina."
"Me too."

"Our moms set us up."

"It’s important to forgive."
"Who do you have the hardest time forgiving?"
"Myself."

"I grew up in a violent household. I got it from my dad and gave it to my brother."

"One time we we had a project in class, and my friend said he didn’t want to be my partner, and I got an A+, and he just got an A."

"My best friend’s husband was a police officer who died in a shootout. For a few days, the media presented the story as a tragedy. Then I guess everyone got bored with that angle, because the story changed after a few days, and the media started reporting on the size of the insurance settlement my friend received. The story completely changed based on what they chose to focus on. I haven’t watched TV since."

"I have a little girl at home that I love so much, but I also love my job. Part of me wants to be home all the time to see every little change she goes through. But part of me feels like I owe it to her to be what I always wanted to be."

A one hundred year old woman reflects on her deceased husband.

"My girlfriend caught me with another woman. Now she won’t even let me get my stuff out of the apartment! I said ‘C’mon, Sweetheart.’ And she said ‘Fuck you Motherfucker!’ I tried going back when she wasn’t home, to see if I could get the dog to open the door. But he was too small. Our last dog could open the door. But not this one."

"My real name’s Ariel. So my stage name is Murdermaid."

"What’s your greatest struggle right now?"
"I wouldn’t have volunteered if I’d known this conversation would be so long. But to answer your question, I’ve got a wife that’s sick. And I wish she wasn’t sick so that I could live life with her, and so that I wouldn’t have to be alone."

Today in microfashion…

"What’s your favorite thing about her?"
"Her intelligence."
"What’s a time that she really impressed you with her intelligence?"
"Every single day. She’s the CFO of my company."

"If you could give one piece of advice to other kids, what would it be?"
"If someone is bullying you, and you bully them back, then that makes you a bully."

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